The Key to Good PDA
by Linda Rains

We've all seen them. Those couples so up close and personal, they're completely lost to the world outside. You know the ones I'm talking about. They're kissing on sidewalk benches, huddled in dark restaurants and bars. Hell, sometimes they're downright horizontal in the park.

While you're exchanging looks with your friends, they're exchanging a number of, well, microorganisms. What are they thinking? The affectionate display is attention-getting enough. But what really seems to shock observers is their apparent freedom to share affection in a public setting. I mean, don't they know that they're surrounded by complete strangers? No, they don't. And if they do, they don't give a damn. Because they have all the ingredients for good PDA... the kind of PDA that doesn't happen instantly, and certainly is not for everyone.

PDA gone bad.
I once dated a man who revealed his distaste for PDA before our first in-person meeting. Even handholding, he said, was out of the question. He meant it merely to avoid appearing standoffish. I, however, took it as a personal challenge. Oh, I remember it perfectly. From the moment we met, I could not and did not resist. Spontaneous shoulder massages, unexpected hugs, the occasional tickle... these were the tools I employed. While I had a blast, he was horrified. As a result, we did not achieve good PDA. And, perhaps needless to say, our first date was the last.

A couple years earlier, I spent over a year with a guy who had a fond appreciation for PDA. I however, was the one who held back. And by the time he left, he told me, he was able to list every public display of affection... all three of them. Unfortunately, I was unaware (or unconcerned) that he needed more. And so he said goodbye.

What inspires good PDA?
By now, I'm sure it's clear what was missing in each of these formulas. Balance, which comes from recognition of partner needs, and a respect for boundaries. These are the necessary ingredients for good PDA. Sound complex? Not really. Simply follow my three basic guidelines, and you too can enjoy the pleasure of not-quite-exhibitionism.

1. Establish mutual agreement. Typically, if you both share a fondness for PDA (plus an undeniable, irresistible attraction for each other), this connection will come naturally... and it's best when it happens without words. How do you find this delicate balance? You grab his leg, he doesn't jump away. He rubs your neck, you grab his leg. He grabs your hand, you don't spend the next five minutes trying to get it back (unless you're trying to grab his leg). You get the drift.

2. Know the boundaries. There's a fine line between earning the envious eyes of observers, to overhearing whispered suggestions to "get a room." Okay, don't maul each other, and avoid "making out" or "necking" in public. Beyond this guideline, you're on your own. Feel free to experiment until you discover your own personal boundaries.

3. Location, location, location. There is a time and a place for PDA. And these are the places you should never, ever get overly friendly: church (not so much as a nuzzle), family dinners (the folks WILL get angry, no matter your age), movie theaters (don't compete with the show on the screen), and work gatherings (both inside and outside office walls).

Ready for a little PDA of your own? Log in to Match.com and meet someone today!